Uncle Alan

Uncle Alan, of course, is not my uncle. He is, however, my wife's uncle and he is quite a remarkable character.

Uncle Alan, with the look of a mad professor, is a single man in his sixties and can be best described as "not a people person".

His rantings are recorded and hopefully they will be released to the general public at some point in the future - they have the makings of quite a story and maybe even a film. For example:

"I went to the Post Office today to post a letter. Nobody was in the Post Office except for the two women behind the counter. They were chatting, as women do, and ignored me. I grew madder and madder. I took two pieces of tissue and shoved them up my nose, got down on all fours and barked like a dog! They shall not ignore me in future."

The story was verified by the women themselves! His most recent rant, however, shows his special contempt for foreigners.

"Swept the laneway... SIGH... Tried to paint... SQUEAL... I then switched on the television and some Afrigger was trying to tell me how to cook on BBC1. BBC2 had some Turban-wearer trying to tell me how to look after my home. That Irishman, Eamonn what's-his-name, was on ITV. And Channel 4 had some bastard with 15 boxes!"

Some may be critical of his behaviour. He certainly has some racist tendancies. However, I believe that these "eccentrics" should be treasured. How wonderful to know someone so opinionated.